I got an e-mail today from e-bay asking me to write a review of the refurbished Apple mouse I bought through them a couple of weeks ago:
This was my review:
Once upon a time there was a mouse that lived with an Apple that was bought by the parents of a spoiled little boy. They gave the Apple and mouse to him because it was Tuesday. (The little boy’s parents obviously had more money than they could ever spend.) The little boy was easily frustrated whenever he couldn’t figure out how to work the age-inappropriate toys his parents kept buying and buying for him to keep him busy while they lived their lives in other wings of their elaborate home. So it came to pass that the day after the Apple and mouse were installed in the wing that had been added to the house when little Donald (that was the little boy’s name, Donald) was born, the little boy, Donald, threw a temper fit when he lost another round of elementary checkers against the Apple. Despite the “computer always loses” feature programmed in the checkers app, Donald always found a way to lose, making the same exact moves in the same sequence every time he played. Naturally Donald (the little boy) blamed the mouse for always making the wrong moves, so Donald fired the mouse (he literally set it ablaze). Fortunately, the little boy’s parents (Donald’s mom and dad) knew that Donald’s favorite pastime was to fire things, so the sprinkler system they installed in his wing quickly extinguished the fire, but also water-damaged the mouse, so mom and dad took it back to the store and demanded a refund (the cheap bastards). The store then sold it for pennies on the dollar to the guys who refurbished the mouse, who charged me a very fair buy-it-now price for the mouse on e-bay. The mouse, my Apple, and I are living happily ever after because the refurbishing guys did a great job. And how’s Donald doing? He’s the Republican Party’s nominee for President.
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Jim
Baby Boomer, Born in 1951 in Stamford, CT (Had no choice)
Public Schools: Springdale Elementary, Dolan Jr. High, Stamford High - Class of 1969 (Solid public school education)
Parents: James Frederick Ash (1921-1965) and Dorothy Johnson Ash (1923 - 2011) (Dad died too soon, Mom suffered too long without him)
Attended Virginia Polytechnic Institution - 1969-70 (A big mistake)
Graduated Central Connecticut State College (now University) 1970-73 B.S. English Secondary Education and Philosophy (double major) cum laude
Fairfield University 1977-80 M.A. Corporate and Political Communications
Married 1974 to Doris Mae Plourde, Brunswick, ME (Still married. Who knows, might last after all)
English Teacher at Stamford High 1974-79 (In the days of Welcome Back Kotter - my students actually called themselves "sweathogs")
Changed Careers and Became a Father in the Same Week, September 1979, Daughter Lauren Diane
Father again, February 1983 Son Thomas Carl
Client Communications Specialist, Marsh & McLennan, Incorporated, New York 1979-96, left as Managing Director
Managing Director Communications - Strategic Account Management (SAM) Aon Risk Services, New York 1996-2005 (Recruited from Marsh)
Director Client Communications, Integro Insurance Brokers, New York, 2005-07 (Recruited to help launch start up brokerage company - Fun!)
Semi-retired to Orrs Island, Harpswell, ME 2007-15 (My "hermit" period)
Grandfather as of December 2014 (The hands-down best job I've ever had!)
Co-owner with Doris of the world's most spectacular dog, Charley 2010 (He's the absolute best)
Retired, Westport, CT 2015 to date (
Survivor, (so far)
Hit by car 1956
Coronary Angioplasty 1998
World Trade Center Disaster 2001
Prostate Cancer 2005
Double By-pass Surgery 2015
Malignant tumor on left kidney - kidney removed, tumor and all 2018
Lifelong Liberal Democrat (One of two in all of Marsh. Fortunately the other one was Chairman)
Decent sense of humor (Would be better without the puns I'm told)
Blogger (e.g., a writer without any other outlet)
Friend of many
Enemy of few
Not as boring than as this summary might indicate
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Blowin' My Own Horn 