I got an e-mail today from e-bay asking me to write a review of the refurbished Apple mouse I bought through them a couple of weeks ago:
This was my review:
Once upon a time there was a mouse that lived with an Apple that was bought by the parents of a spoiled little boy. They gave the Apple and mouse to him because it was Tuesday. (The little boy’s parents obviously had more money than they could ever spend.) The little boy was easily frustrated whenever he couldn’t figure out how to work the age-inappropriate toys his parents kept buying and buying for him to keep him busy while they lived their lives in other wings of their elaborate home. So it came to pass that the day after the Apple and mouse were installed in the wing that had been added to the house when little Donald (that was the little boy’s name, Donald) was born, the little boy, Donald, threw a temper fit when he lost another round of elementary checkers against the Apple. Despite the “computer always loses” feature programmed in the checkers app, Donald always found a way to lose, making the same exact moves in the same sequence every time he played. Naturally Donald (the little boy) blamed the mouse for always making the wrong moves, so Donald fired the mouse (he literally set it ablaze). Fortunately, the little boy’s parents (Donald’s mom and dad) knew that Donald’s favorite pastime was to fire things, so the sprinkler system they installed in his wing quickly extinguished the fire, but also water-damaged the mouse, so mom and dad took it back to the store and demanded a refund (the cheap bastards). The store then sold it for pennies on the dollar to the guys who refurbished the mouse, who charged me a very fair buy-it-now price for the mouse on e-bay. The mouse, my Apple, and I are living happily ever after because the refurbishing guys did a great job. And how’s Donald doing? He’s the Republican Party’s nominee for President.